同溫夜
「人赤裸裸地存在。他不是想像中的自己，而是他意欲成什麼才是什麼；他在存在之後， 才能想像他自己是什麼。人除自我塑造之外什麼也不是。」－保羅·沙特<存在主義是人道主義>
凌晨夜兩點的空氣裡，只剩下急促的鼻息與心跳聲，窗外風似乎有了自己的形狀；大樓窗內的日光燈，像是一顆顆小星球，彷彿每個星球裡都有屬於他們的故事。出了社會以後，不知道何時有了這個開關，我試圖在房間裝一個靜音的假性裝置 ，一個只剩自己與世界獨處的空間，感官機能也變得異常敏銳，這種狀態就是保羅·沙特所講的「赤裸裸的存在」吧。而這赤裸的狀態，是屬於一種不保留的情感；一個直接性的坦然；一個旁人不可觸碰的真實。 我們都曾在面對絕望徬徨時，腦海中閃過「自己為何活著？」「日復一日生活是為了什麼？」等等⋯旁人認為消極頹靡的言語。然而，為何「存在」這件事，卻因每天在緊繃繁雜的工作、家人與生俱來的羈絆裡被掩蓋過去。其實一般人不會去思考這個問題，矛盾的是，它是重要的，亦然可以很不重要，但不能逃避它是每個人生命旅程裡必經的思考課題。在社會化的生活裡，人們會選擇用各種方式來達到生活中理想平衡 。而我習慣在夜晚裡，這種彷彿只剩感官記憶和空氣的氛圍，特別容易讓人眷戀，但它只是一種虛假的平靜；我想透過這個系列的作品，來保留這段清晰卻模糊的生命經驗。
「我們存在於這個城市，卻很難將自己投入其中。」
存在這個社會裡，勢必要讓自己機制化於這個社會，制定式的塑造自我個性，並且竭盡所能的扮演環境所支配的角色，然而這些規則卻是淺移默化的，成為我們內心必然要去實踐的目標。而在這些空無追求的背後，卻讓人在生活裡不斷充斥著憂鬱、猜疑、矛盾和絕望。我們以擁有人類的本體而感到喜悅，但也為這趟生命旅程感到虛無（nothingness）。
「麻雀，一個平凡無奇的鳥類；一個標本店賤價出售的商品。」
牠在這系列中，扮演了一個嚮往與療癒的角色;麻雀是與人類共存、習性相同關係密不可分的鳥類，在生活裡隨處可以找到牠們的蹤跡 。有時看著動物無憂的神情與形態，總是會讓人有種亦虛亦實的錯覺。傷感的是「生命」與「生存」這兩個詞彙，比照我們與牠們之間，卻顯得格外的諷刺。雖住在同一個城市裡，卻過著截然不同的生命旅程。但不管待在任何生命體裡，必然要跟隨這個世界所該運轉的機制而生，就如同卡夫卡《變形記》裡的主角，從「人」而變成「非人」的甲蟲，卸下了做為一個「人」應有的責任與框架，故事到了結局仍是孤寂的死去。在這人與人的社會裡，不管你嚮往擁有怎樣的人生，它的改變仍是有限，相互牴觸。因為我們都活在無法痊癒的誠實裡。
Nights of The Same Temperature
“There is no reality except in action. Man is nothing else than his plan; he exists only to the extent that he fulfills himself; he is therefore nothing else than the ensemble of his acts, nothing else than his life.”—Paul Sartre <Existentialism is Humanism>
In the middle of the night, the only things I could feel were the heavy breathing, the heart beats, and the reflection of me in the windows, I could also see those lights in the city, they looked so much like little planets, with the stories of their own.
When I started working, I didn’t know when exactly I got this on and off switch in my room, to mute everything and makes it feel like there were just the world and I while every sensations becoming so vibrant. I figured that the feeling is perhaps what Paul Sartre meant by saying the quote above.
The nudity of our existence, is like a kind of relationship that will not linger around, or a straight up confession, or a reality that others could never find out.
We all have been in the deep end before, and asking ourselves “Why am I still alive?” , “What’s the meaning of life?” etc. Although those questions may seem like degenerations to others, and that’s the reason why people drown themselves into works and execute their daily routines in order to stop thinking about your meaning of life. People don’t seem to realize the importance of thinking about their existence, they neglect the fact that it’s critical to everyone.
After people morph from their animal self to social self, we tend to find our ways to achieve the balance between living and existing. To me, I am used to staying up at nights, since it makes me become more sensitive as if I could feel the air. In my opinion, that’s maybe the reasoning behind people’s obsession with the Night, a mirage that may look peaceful from its façade. I would like to preserve this luminous but somehow obscure memory of mine through this collection.
“ We live in the city but don’t fit in. ”
We live in this society, we must try to fit in smoothly, assemble ourselves with the right acts, and do everything we can to play the roles that the surrounding people want us to be. Those has suddenly became our purposes and goals that we struggle to accomplish. The things behind the chasing of our goals are just depression, suspicion, conflicts, and despair. We feel the nothingness throughout our lifetime, but contented simply because you have a living, breathing body.
“Sparrow, an ordinary kind of birds, which you can buy a specimen of it for such cheap price.”
Sparrows resemble desire and remedy in this collection. You can see them everywhere on the daily basis, and we tend to have a bond with sparrows due to our similar habits.
Sometimes we take animals as the carefree creatures based on their looks, but it’s actually an illusion. What’s sad about every living things is that there’s only a thin line between “living” and “surviving”, and humans seem to be those who are living, but sparrows on the other hand are struggling to survive for their whole lives. Even though we both live in the same city, but sparrows and us have such different experiences in our life journeys.
Whether living in a sparrow’s body or a human one, we all have to change ourselves in order to fit in the society, and to meet the expectations of the world. Just like the protagonist in the book, “The Metamorphosis” by Franz Kafka, not only did he morph from a human being into a non-human creature, but also discard the responsibility as a human. The protagonist died alone when it comes to the end of the book.
In the world full of people, despite what specific life you’re longing for, the changes you make for it will just be a little part of your whole life, so that conflicts will be formed between your ideal life and the uone you’re currently living. Because no matter what, we simply couldn’t live the reality that we tell ourselves to be true.